God's Plans

Life is made up of small moments that change everything.

I've had a few of those moments happen over the past 27 years - umm, how am I 27?!

My first moment came when I was 3 years old: I was told I was going to be a big sister. I was hoping for a little sister, of course. Instead I got a little brother. A loud, mischievous, 100% boy, little brother. After some encouragement from Mom & Dad, and reassurance that we could play Batman and Cat Woman, I was so excited to meet my very own little brother. Now, I can't imagine what life would look like without him!

God's plan is always better than our own.

The next moment for me was choosing to go to college. I wanted to go to a big university and get the whole "college experience". But I had a full ride to go to a D2 college with a strong science program that just so happened to be my parents old Alma Mater. Not only did I receive the best education imaginable from SWOSU, but, I was also introduced to the PA profession. And to my amazing husband, Kent. 

So, once again I learned, God's plan is always better than our own.

Getting married came next, and with it were several more of those moments. First, getting married in itself is a huge moment: Leaving the comfort zone of family to forge out a whole new normal is a pretty big moment. And a short 5 months after getting married, we left Oklahoma to for me to attend PA school and for Kent to get his DO and MBA degrees in Tennessee. Talk about a game changing moment. The quick 45 minute trip home to my parents turned into a 9+ hour commute. But, Kent and I learned to communicate and to truly lean on each other. I believe our marriage is stronger because of that move.

So, again, I was able to see God's plan is always better than our own.

Little did I know, all these little moments were leading up to the greatest moment of my life so far: Becoming EJ's momma.

EJ has always been an easy baby. She has the softest, sweetest cry which she hardly ever uses. Daycare jokes that they have to keep an eye on her 24/7 just "in case she decides to cry". She has always been so easy to put down for naps. I can simply lay her in her crib, give her a paci and she is out. No tears, no fits. Just sleep.

Oh, how thankful I have been for her to be such an easy-going, happy, sweet, precious baby.

No matter how easy, all babies are emotionally challenging to their parents. And I think EJ has truly given us a run for our money. She was taken to the NICU quickly after delivery because of her deviated nasal septum and trouble with breathing. And let me tell you - the NICU is an emotional roller-coaster. Some days, all is well and we would be told "she's going home tomorrow!" Then tomorrow would come, and a new bump would pop up and we would be back to square one: "Not going home today, sorry guys. We'll keep you updated." It was on one of the "sorry guys" days in the NICU that we started down the road of genetic testing. I didn't do any genetic testing while I was pregnant, so we started from square one: her chromosome counts. This, we quickly discovered, was normal chromosome (woo hoo!). The rest of the test was supposed to take a 1-2 months to reveal the complete break down of all of her individual chromosomes.  So with the news of a normal chromosomal count we were discharged home from the NICU with EJ on home oxygen, a machine to monitor her oxygen levels, and a referral to physical therapy, cardiology, ophthalmology, and genetics.

Our pediatricians quickly cancelled our appointments with physical therapy, ophthalmology, and genetics. He felt they were not necessary. Honestly, I was just so grateful that some one finally said the words "You have a normal, healthy baby girl" that I practically jumped for joy at the thought of getting to cancel all these appointments! At her 2 month well child check we were given the greatest news - all of EJ's genetic testing had come back perfectly normal! With a heart full of relief and the stressful NICU stay being left in the past, I was happy that all those specialty appointments had been cancelled.

As EJ got older I started noticing a few minor delays. She wasn't pushing herself up by 6 months, she wasn't sitting up completely independently by 7.5 months. She had trouble taking bottles since being in the NICU and couldn't eat solids as well as I expected her to by 6 months (despite us introducing them at 4 months). Combined with her history of her head shape, high palate, being tongue tied, and having a couple holes in her heart I was concerned that something bigger may be going on with her after all.

Since EJ was about 6 months old, we've seen every specialist in Tulsa: Orthotic specialist, Cardiology, Neurology, ENT, Neurosurgery, Developmental Specialist, Physical Therapy, Speech Therapy, Plastic Surgery, and eventually Genetics. We were searching for a reason for EJ's developmental delays and medical conditions. But we really weren't given any real answers, until recently.

Some dates you just remember for ever; like a birthdays or Christmas. Monday, January 11, 2016 will forever be one of those dates for me. It's the date I received a phone call from EJ's pediatrician informing me that her genetic screening did not, in fact, come back normal, as we had been reassured so many times before. Instead she had a chromosomal abnormality.

After a full 13 months of specialist referrals, physical therapy sessions, lack of weight gain, wearing a correctional helmet, and questioning "why am I making my healthy baby have a problem" we finally had an answer.

A partial trisomy 16 with an unbalanced translocation to chromosome 3.

I wrongly thought I would greet this news with a sigh of relief. Instead I called my Dad and cried my eyes out.

I've regrouped since that call. 

God's plans are always better than our own. 

Looking back, I now see that God placed so many moments in my life to prepare me for this exact moment. For example, He tugged on my heart, encouraging me to become a PA-C instead of a physician. A decision that has allowed me to make every single one of EJ's medical appointments and has allowed for Kent and I to handle these visits with no financial stresses. He also sent Kent and I to Tennessee, away from family, to build a strong relationship built on trust of each other and communication, making us truly rely on each other. This foundation has allowed us to communicate openly with each other throughout all of the ups and downs of getting her official diagnosis.

Hind sight is always 20/20, but I now see how much more prepared I was to handle that call on January 2016 instead of February 2015 when the results were available. I am so thankful for that year of preparation.

I have no clue what EJ's future will hold: She may catch up tomorrow or always have a certain degree of delay. But, I do know that God placed her in my hands for a reason. And He has been preparing me to be her momma for several years.

And, most importantly, I've learned that God's plans are always better than my own.